Women's Health Series I

As women, we are conditioned to think that when the time is right, we will be able to fall pregnant. What we aren’t conditioned to know is that to fall pregnant, our body systems need to be functioning optimally. Hormones, nutrition, weight, our reproductive organs (to name a few), all equally contribute to the possibility of conception. The journey of fertility can sometimes be hard to navigate and understand, especially when it has taken a little longer than we may have anticipated.

We spoke with the lovely Kendra - a young, vibrant and healthy Pilates Instructor who shares her own personal journey with fertility. Her hope is to create an open forum for others to share their experiences and knowledge, to ensure women in a similar position feel supported and educated.

Can you tell us about your health journey in regards to conceiving?

My health journey has been an unforeseen rollercoaster. I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) in 2017 at the age of 31, following less frequent and sometimes missed periods. At first I thought my irregular periods were attributed to life stresses. My GP ran blood tests to check my baseline hormone levels and after noting there were some abnormalities, referred me to a gynaecologist. My gynaecologist then ran a series of further blood tests checking my AMH and hormone levels. After waiting a few days for the results, my specialist requested I visit his clinic and as soon as I arrived and sat down, I knew something wasn’t right.

My older sister is an OBGYN in the US, and thankfully my gynaecologist had suggested to Facetime her so he may tell the news to both of us. In retrospect, this was an incredibly kind gesture as he knew that the news he was delivering was going to be devastating. I was diagnosed with POF and told my chances of conceiving with my own eggs was less than 1%.

It was at that point that I felt the world was spinning around me and I couldn’t comprehend what information he was relaying to me. Thankfully, my sister was able to further explain what the specialist had recommended following my appointment. He suggested that IVF was an option but to not get my hopes high. My sister said to let the information sink in, and to call my fiance and discuss the news with him.

It was the most heart wrenching day breaking the news to the man I wanted to have a family with that our road now had a major obstacle. At that stage, with the guidance from my sister, we agreed to move quickly (as advised that we were indeed racing against the clock) and undergo IVF - a completely foreign world to me.

We immediately started the IVF treatments. It was an expensive, time-consuming and emotional journey. There were so many appointments, injections, scans and blood tests. Our first round ended in zero eggs after the retrieval surgery. My specialist encouraged us to try another round not long after, and so we did! Unfortunately, this round ended in the same results. After feeling defeated and deflated, we decided to take a few months off.

When we went for a follow-up appointment, the IVF specialist recommended we go for another round and this time he would be more aggressive with the hormone medication. It felt as if I was constantly dancing between hope and reality. I remembered the feeling of waking up from surgery and being told the sad news that there were no eggs. In saying that, I was willing to give this round everything I had and mustered all the emotional and physical energy I had left. Sadly, this round ended the same as the first two. My specialist said it’s best to take time to look after my own health and for my partner and I to consider other options such as a donation egg, donation embryo or adoption.

Where are you at with the journey now and what changes would you like to see in the health sector to support women going through the same thing?

My partner and I have decided to focus on our health and place a hold on our fertility journey at this stage. I’m at a stage now where I feel more comfortable to share our experience with others in a more open forum.

My hope is to create more conversations about the sensitive nature of battling infertility. There is a major deficiency of unbiased guidance and support within the health sector. My recommendation would be to seek professional counselling for yourself and your partner at the early stages and throughout fertility treatment. Don’t be afraid to open up to your closest loved ones and ask for support. The scariest feeling is being alone on the journey and that needs to be the last thing we think about no matter what phase you’re in.

I also believe we as women in our child bearing years and beyond need to learn about the importance of our hormones from our GP. Even if women decide to not have children, the education around healthy hormones is imperative and, I believe, a major missing link in our health system. Too often we are prescribed birth controls, HRT or other medications to cover up the issues. Getting down to the root of the issue is paramount, and one I wish I would have done earlier.

What issues did this bring up in your relationship with your partner and yourself?

Fertility issues can create so many self-doubts for a female. When the gift of natural conception is robbed, there’s a sense of shame, confusion, embarrassment and emotional turmoil. It’s challenging for a couple and it’s a difficult conversation to navigate within the relationship and with others.

What I believe to be true is that couples struggle to communicate support needs in the best way. Too often we forgo hard topics because of vulnerabilities. One of the most difficult parts of infertility is facing all your fears. It forces couples to be raw, real and more vulnerable than ever before. You have to allow yourselves to grieve in your own personal ways and not be offended when the other is at a different stage of that process, or perhaps handles it in a completely different way.

There are so many days when pregnancy news from family and friends can break you like never before, and although time heals, the scar is always there and the remnants of pain can be felt as a couple. On the positive side, it can make you stronger in your partnership as it forces you to face hard issues head-on together, which results in supreme growth and, in many ways, closeness.